Dan Michaelson & The Coastguards

Romantic Enthusiasm: New Dan Michaelson Valentines EP

Dan — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 00:27:32 +0000

Its something I’ve always wanted to do. But something I’ve never done.

And as a dentist’s assistant gently hoovered my mouth and mumbled something non sensical about quitting smoking this afternoon i realised, under local anaestetic… that I’m about to do it.

Im releasing a Valentines record:

(Hand screen printed on recycled card. I emitted 3 moments of co2 during production)

Buy Here: http://shop.danmichaelsonandthecoastguards.co.uk/buy/if-others-call-it-love/

I’ve called it If Others Call It Love… and it is a collection of what one might call love songs, depending on your mood.

I found myself alone in a studio a few weeks ago, i ordered a pizza, i drank a little wine and began a record. I let the pizza chef pick my toppings.. I said “Hey, Surprise me..”. Thats romance.

Here’s a quick line about each song:

NO RIGHT WAY TO MOVE

at last a song that deals with the way some removal firms manhandle your precious goods.

YOU LEAVE ME IN RUINS

musings on the tragic demise of Bob Wells, a tree surgeon from Leicester

TREMORS

Inspired by a cyclic 48 hour Steve Reich triangle performance

AVALANCHE

This is Leonard Cohen’s song that we covered recently for Mojo magazine. He apparently said of our efforts “Did you change the Key?”

IF OTHERS CALL IT LOVE..

a short examination of the writing style of the now fully recovered Barry Manilow

None of those explanations are in any way true. Except for the bit about Leonard Cohen.

I’ve also been appearing in some magazines.. Mojo gave me a whole page in the current issue. I pushed for a fold out centre spread but they said it wasn”t that kind of magazine.

MOJO, don't be mislead by the title. Its not that kind of magazine.

Jocks&Nerds is a publication that is committed to bringing you both sides of the story. At a push, I’d say I was selected as a nerd. That said, the quality of the paper this is printed on is excellent.. weighing in at a hefty 190gsm with a matt finish that really lets the photos zing.

Nerdalicious

I think thats enough from me.

SUDDEN FICTION: THE REVIEWS REVIEWED.

Dan — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 09:54:16 +0000

With little else to do, I have taken it upon myself to review my reviews. What good can come of this? Very little. But what harm could it possibly do? Very little. I apologise in advance.

Lets Start with THE TIMES:

The best songs are defined by what is left out, and this London songwriter’s sparse, calm album has a beautiful sense of restraint. Inspired by the desert flats of Texas, the former singer of the indie band Absentee nonetheless creates an atmosphere of intimacy: his croaking voice is up close, instrumentation is acoustic, and when he sings: “Do you feel like letting go” on I Lay With You, it sounds as though he’s whispering in your ear. Michaelson is a master at making the personal universal: a piano ballad called Scraps sounds like a private message but welcomes you in a way that’s reminiscent, in spirit if not in sound, of Leonard Cohen.

Will really nails it here. He gets me. He knows how much i like seeing the words Michaelson is a master. I may ask him to engrave my grave stone. Something simple and reflective such as Michaelson was a master springs to mind. This would also ensure that someone would still google me once in a while when I’m not around to google myself any more.

THE GUARDIAN

Recorded after a stint in the remote artistic desert community of Marfa in Texas, the third album by Londoner Dan Michaelson, formerly of Absentee, is rich with flashes of southern pedal steel, which give life to the otherwise threadbare set-up of piano, guitar and occasional cello. Stripped to near-silence in parts, the nine tracks are executed with elegance and precision, and the warm rumble of Michaelson’s molasses-thick voice make even the simplest of sentiments sound profound. However, repeated listens suggest this bare-bones approach isn’t quite so successful when it comes to his lyrics. Thematically, the songs teeter on the precipice of making a relationship work or chucking it all in, but feel too broad and open for the emotional clout the music demands.

Call me bias by all means but to my ears, this is a little less nailed. What happened? It was all going so well for the first few words and then a sense of regret seemed to creep in.. ” I cant believe I’m falling for this shit” I can imagine them shouting as the bag of toffee’s slide off the arm of the sofa and into the ashtray. I suppose you can’t please everyone.

MOJO

Dan Michaelson has a great voice, like a ships rigging creaking under a weight of ice. Yet either with his first band, Absentee or the solo side project The Coastguards it always felt like other elements were diluting the full strength of the Michaelson Groan. Inspired by his time in Marfa and the short stories of Lydia Davis, sudden fiction is 100% Proof. Michaelsons Baritone possesses the grain and dirt of life, and here its finally put in service of true tales. Each song feels like a scene from some sad, spare moment of Mid west love and failure, hushed night time tales of romantic longing, poison goodbyes and bar room profligacy, lit with the flickering porch light of piano, guitar, cello and sad, keening pedal steel guitar.

Right from the opening line, I liked this one. I dont know why and i dont believe that any amount of therapy would bring me closer to understanding. If Sudden Fiction was a question, this would be the correct answer. I also love the way 100% Proof sounds so macho even though in this context it has none of that meaning. Its my new mantra. When i pay my bus fare i’ll look at the driver and say “100% Proof my friend”. When i show my passport i’ll say more slowly “100% proof”. On winning a hard fought game of table tennis, I will shower the table in victory sweat screaming “ONE HUNDRED PERCENT PROOF DEAR COMPETITOR”. I will be deeply unpopular.

Three albums after fleeing Absentee, Dan Michaelsons low baritone drawl, reminiscent of crash test dummies leader Brad Roberts, is joined by a spacious sound inspired by a stay in Marfa, Texas. This means legubrious twang, a cello, a pedal steel and precious little in the way of choruses. Even so, Michaelson is a master of bleak atmosphere and these 8 long and winding songs offer the haunted loneliness of a wide open space and at times, most notably on New Ruins, spine tingling despair.

Oh Oh, or should i say mm mm.. The Crash Test Dummies? This is no way to forge a long lasting friendship with Michaelson the Master™. A German reviewer once said something similar to me and I spent 3 hours trying to convince him that he was actually thinking of someone else. He was very stubborn about it though. Luckily, this review is saved in my opinion by the second use of our key word Master.

DROWNED IN SOUND

It’s compulsory when talking about Dan Michaelson to mention his deep, croaky voice, so I’ll get it out of the way early. This lad is deep, and boy does he know it. Over the space of three solo records and a brace of releases with his old band Absentee, Michaelson has come to the understanding that although it’s nice to dress that voice with all manner of different instruments, the most impressive thing he can do is wrap his rich, slow rumbling croon around as many languid syllables as possible.No points for guessing that Sudden Fiction is a bit of slow burner then. Often, it can seem like Michaelson is merely conducting an experiment to see just how sparse he can make things – we’re often left with just his voice and the distant twang of his guitar teasing a rhythm along. Indeed, he admits himself that inspiration came from mimimalist word techniques, which the title is a nod towards. That doesn’t make it an uncomfortable listen or an passive experience though. Instead, there’s a warmth and gentle mood that runs uninterrupted throughout Sudden Fiction, and a sense of an artist confident in his own creations.Previously, Michaelson has been accompanied by The Coastguards, a backing band specialising in splashes of colour and delicate accompaniment. Here though, rather than the warm brass and lolloping rhythms of Saltwater, Michaelson has done most of the work himself, with the main contrast coming from mournful cello and simple piano lines.The lyrics definitely help to generate some added warmth. Their strength lies in their simplicity and directness, never more so than on ‘I Lay With You’ which sits right in the middle of the record. Over a beautifully picked rhythm, Michaelson croons of how “I only lay with you” and “I feel like holding on”, and you can imagine warm embraces and comfortable, lazy silences. It’s pretty mesmerising. Elsewhere, there’s plenty of steadiness and quiet contention, “Sometimes I just hold you and weather the storm” – you get the sense that although the writer is far away from someone he cares about, he knows that in returning to them, everything will straighten itself out.Apparently, the sparse nature of Sudden Fiction was inspired by time Michaelson spent in Texas last year, and you can definitely see the record as a distant cousin of Bill Callahan’sApocalypse or even Josh T Pearson’s acclaimed Last Of The Country Gentleman. It’s not as full of tension and end of the world terror, but rather a gentle sense of contention. Perhaps it’s a stoic Britishness, a record built on cups of tea rather than lashes of bourbon. But that doesn’t make it any less effective.

It’s OK to be thought of as a tea drinker. Though i rarely drink tea, it just sounds better than “Loves nothing more than a great macchiato”. These are the kind of things that can suddenly turn into facts though.. one day, probably whilst my epitaph is being mornfully carved into stone, someone will unearth all these untruths and put them on display. “He drank loads of tea, he wore pajama’s, he was both mentally and physically arresting, electrifying company. he was no master”

THE QUIETUS

As one of the finest contemporary chroniclers of the highs, lows and all points in between of emotional engagement, Dan Michaelson’s eagle-eyed observations and razor sharp wit has marked him down as one of the most sensitive and perceptive writers to have emerged this side of the Millennium. Having produced hard evidence in the form of Absentee’s two superb albums and his subsequent releases with The Coastguards, the conclusion is easily drawn that Michaelson, such is the nature of his sensitivity, is a man born with several layers of skin too few. This being the case it therefore follows, based on Sudden Fiction’s material, that he’s been flayed and rolled around in salt.

This first release under just Michaelson’s name is not so much stripped back as standing utterly naked and exposed to the elements as it mirrors the sparse Texan environs that inspired it. The fragile music hangs on a thread throughout as it balances between making its presence felt or almost sighing itself out of existence like the last breath of the dying. The mournful guitar strums and echoing, delicately-touched piano keys elicit a weariness and lachrymose vista that frequently threatens to collapse under the weight of its own ennui. Easy listening this ain’t.

Michaelson’s previous work has always been marked by a sly and knowing sense of humour. Like all the best comedy, the roots of his material lie in recognisably mundane scenarios that are masked in laughs to prevent too much exposure of the soul but within these grooves the shackles of inhibition are cast off with nary a thought for the consequences. This at once becomes both the album’s strength and weakness. Like the music surrounding them, the lyrics have a directness that jettison all forms of embellishment that almost makes the listener feel like a voyeur listening to way too much emotional information.

This is a bold gamble from Michaelson. Reaching far within himself, the results match that deep croon of his – a croon scientifically proven to be deeper than the Italian debt crisis. Consequently,Sudden Fiction isn’t an album that’s going to be popping up for you listening (dis) pleasure with all the frequency of a Dad’s Army repeat. This isn’t to damn the album; indeed, this is an experience to be taken as whole with time set aside and an investment waiting to be made on the part of the listener. Used sparingly, the rewards are truly worthwhile

This has a kind of medical feel to it that sets it apart from the other reviews. Like I’m the product of a successful clinical trial for a suppository cure for ear wax or “dodgy knees”. However, finest is also a word I’m warming to and may employ in a similar way to master.

“How are you today?” “I’m the Finest”

ROCKFEEDBACK

Dan Michaelson has always been gruff in tone, yet his unique voice has often sailed across unusual tides. His voice is slow and low, surprisingly Sudden Fiction is the first album that runs in harmony – i.e., slow and low.

In his previous band, Absentee, his voice sat atop a country bob, punctuated with thrashes of loud guitar. The band was a real-time mash up of styles and in this mix Dan’s vocals often lost out. They sounded too alien.

Even previous solo albums bounced a touch against their will. Admittedly they started to play footsy with his natural Cohen/Smog timbre, but this is the first album to go above the knee. It goes plump into the groin and is far and away the best thing Michaelson has put out.

‘Breaking Falls’ has a video (see below) that’s more at home in a fetishism exhibition at a modern art gallery than decorating Dan and his piano. A slow motion reel of buxom ladies inflating and popping balloons is a confusing contrast of melancholy and testosterone. The seductive balloon-kicking feels sad, odd and pointless. There could be a big statement on nihilism here, or it could be a joke, and it’s certainly a no-budget video.

More than anything, Sudden Ficiton is an open and honest record. There is no indie approach anymore. There’s not even a need to jig with half an eye on radio play, though justice would see Michaelson receive his heaviest rotations yet. Sudden Fiction is anxiety, regret and love, tumbled out with a piano and guitar.

It asks questions too, “If love’s a balloon, why does it look sad?” is asked in ‘Knots’, “If love is on the moon, what am I suppose to do?” For the most part, Michaelson frankly decrees love to be lost, unattainable, and wonders why. The oldest lament is a new topic for Michaelson to engage in, at least this frankly.

There are moments of momentum; the chorus of ‘I Knew We’d Clear’ even builds… slightly. “I left without a tear/For the woman beside me/I knew we’d clear” has Michaelson getting it right for once, the warmth in the slide guitar softens the edges of his usually cold baritone. Yet still “the sun coming out/just to shadow you” sees nature disrupting a moment of rare contentment.

For as long as Michaelson has made music he has, knowingly or not, portrayed himself as the Eeyore/Droopy Dog emotional paradox, singing up but sounding down. Now his voice and music align. As a result Sudden Fiction proves an intensely satisfying album despite being a fleeting eight-song affair. For those familiar with Michaelson, then chime of his voice against iced piano notes and slowly churning guitar strums will feel like a natural, therapeutic home for his lamenting. For fresh ears there will be something enchanting about this husky Chet Baker singing slowly, making the sound of disappointment an intriguing friend, and one you’d be more than happy to chew over their woes with.

This is the first time my lyrics have been mis quoted and I’m very happy with the results. This person is a great lyric writer. “If love’s a balloon, why does it look sad?”, “If love is on the moon, what am I suppose to do?” These are great. I didn’t write them but i might steel them. “If love is a balloon, why does it look sad” hits me so profoundly that i may consider rerecording the song to accommodate the lyric.

If you’ve made it this far then you are probably either part of my family or in a dull work meeting, scanning the internet in search of something long to read whilst avoiding meaningful eye contact with your boss or team leader. If its the later, may I suggest that you now stand up, pour a glass of drinking water onto the table and body surf the length of it shouting “I Am The Master”?

Lastly, this from Amazon shopper reviews:

His voice is like sweet treacle being poured over a set of warm cogs; the instruments are at times arresting, but mostly hypnotic. You start off with the album playing whilst you work or surf the net, then within a couple of tracks you just end up listening to it. It’s like a pebble beach on a perfectly still November evening, the swoosh & hiss of the waves and view to die for.
The lyrics speak of love and contentment being just out of reach, as if things were nearly perfect but slipped into loss and longing, and the themes of commitment and loyalty run through it like a vein of metal.
That’s enough metaphors, I love his work but this album is the first I’ve bought for someone else, it’s no longer music for the Dan Michaelson initiate, I reckon it’s time my friends discovered him too.

This works for me on many levels but mostly because it was written by a reverend from Luton. Heavens gates have opened up just a little and I may one day be asked to do one of the following from Popular culture:

WALK ON BY

RIDE ON TIME

LEAVE MY HAT ON

SHAKE IT

Many thanks, Dan.

MAKING RECORDS…

Dan — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 13:45:04 +0000

Ever stopped just a second or two to consider the cheap and disgusting labour that goes into making the almost every day products we take for granted? Take a look here:

Poor child aged 34 captured on his hands and knees in central London. Looks a little like he's doing press ups but when questioned on the subject he offered "Nothing could be further from the truth".

Both cheap and disgusting i agree but who really cares when we can talk about the exciting end result instead?

Yes, its another temptingly titled “process blog”, this time for my new record Sudden Fiction.

Limited to 100 12 inch copies split into two editions of 50, i thought the simplest method would be to use a combination of gloss vinyl stickers, rubber stamps, screen printing and a sharpie. Worried that they will have sold out buy the time you finish reading this? Quick, run here:

http://shop.danmichaelsonandthecoastguards.co.uk/

Who runs to the internet? Below, there’s some photos and a brief description of what the picture is, or what it is not.

screen printing offers the opportunity to make the same mistakes as many times as you like. Being human means you are only supposed to make a mistake once, then learn from it and continue on to find a new mistake. When you combine screen printing with the human touch, all manner of strange magic can occur. In this instance no magic occurred but i did sneeze on myself in order not to ruin the sleeves.

Seeing my own name over and over again accompanied by an artists impression of my face can do wonders for the confidence. Not mine, but hopefully yours. Here's the screen printed poster that comes with the vinyl.

The Stickers had to be flown in from Luton at great expense. The shoe is not a nod to Cinderella theory* but a chance happening on the outskirts of Marfa, Texas.

*cinderella theory is the belief that when we close our eyes we are all beautiful princesses. There is no cure. There is no problem. Rollercoasters and bright sunlight can throw up some odd situations though.

Mario Testino didn't take this photo, though he may claim he did... it is very good. Anyway, stamped at the top and in the bottom left corner, numbered 1/50 in the bottom right corner, poster and download code inside.... it weighs just over 9 kilos and smells terrific.

And the second edition.

and the close ups:

This is what happens when inflatable objects come in to direct contact with my music. With this in mind, DO NOT soundtrack your romantic air balloon holiday with Sudden Fiction

If you own the other shoe please don't write to me. If you own the bullet cartridge next to the shoe.. again, I'd rather not hear from you.

My horoscope says that today, a life changing decision will be made. It doesn’t say if I’m supposed to do this or if some one else is intending to force this upon me. I have no interest in making a life changing decision today. Not at all.

MILES

Dan — Wed, 15 Jun 2011 13:50:45 +0000

Just so’s you’re not wasting time you don’t have, this is not a post about Miles Davis. For those that have a little more time but really there’s something else you should be getting on with, this is about the last three weeks and the miles covered during that period. If you’re already feeling that this is going on a bit, I’ve provided a short list of departures and arrivals at the bottom, which you can scan whilst eating a sandwich and making a bank transaction. Anyone else, forward march…

Our endorsement deal with Shockwaves hair putty mouse styling gel is revoked after early reports suggested we were unloyal to their strong brand identity. As punishment, Horses left eye was removed.

Being the modern equivalent of WARLOCKS, this is how real men cope with sitting on a train for 13 delayed hours of pain. We deface Nation Trust postcards and pull faces. Don't mess with this, we mean it..

Just after this was taken, I totally lost my temper and pushed over a chocolate mini eggs stand in W H Smiths. Horse massaged my shoulders and whispered "Calm down Danosculous Hercules Maximus" as I tried to explain my source of anger to the deputy store manager. He ended up ordering 500 of our newly designed postcards for distribution around the South West area.

Laurie makes a welcome return to the fold for our London date. Bathed in angelic light but smelling of compost, we hugged, we kissed, things took a turn for the hot and confused and we nearly missed the gig.

Reservoir Clogs.... that would have worked brilliantly if we were in Holland but this is Switzerland. All humour in Switzerland has been knocked down and replaced by racey sex shops. If you are "Looking for fun" rather than "Looking for Fun", someone's going to get hurt.

Hot dogs from a sex shop. Once you get the tasteless red lace untangled from the bun they taste pretty much like regular hot dogs.

See you soon.x

Morocco to London, London to Bristol, Bristol to Manchester, Manchester to London, London to Holyhead, Holyhead to Dublin, Dublin to Holyhead, Holyhead to Crewe, Crewe to Carlisle, Carlisle to Glasgow, Glasgow to Carlisle, Carlisle to Leeds, Leeds to Norwich, Norwich to London, London to Switzerland, Switzerland to London. London to Bath (Thats as in having a bath, not historic Bath)

Other People Do Things Too

Dan — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 15:38:47 +0000

As anyone (?Hello?) who ever comes here for a word bath will already know, the taps only flow one way: With things that are exclusively about me, or at a push, things that happen within two feet of me and if thats the case definitely involve me to a greater extent. Its a small world. However, I’ve spent the last few days aimlessly sitting on a beach, sipping beer and trying to map the rate of my toenail growth using an IPhone, and this has given me the clarity/sunstroke necessary to look a little further afield. No far mind you, one has to stay focused. So, today I’ll be discussing 2 new albums and one film. The film is a remake of Arthur… Arthur is one of my favorite films and some mindless rudester has tried to ruin it. Thats all i have to say on the matter. I still like Helen Mirren though. Moving on, two new records that should be shaken under your noses for a moment or two:

WET PAINT: WOE

This record is coming out very soon, its the work of Babak, Melinda and Laurie who were once in a band called Absentee (too cult for me to have ever heard of) and Babaks brother Simak. I was in a band called Simak once but thats a different story. I actually auditioned to be the vibraphone player for Wet Paint but i couldn’t get the damn thing to go loud enough.. it was pretty embarrassing but they were all really cool about it. Moving on: Although this album’s called Woe, its not going to ruin your life unless you try to swallow it. It is loud, it is a grown up shouting for more, its an exploding 9track pizza with extra toppings, its on CD and you can buy it without ever having heard it here:

http://recordshop.greedbag.com/wet-paint/

The second record is:

SINGING ADAMS "EVERYBODY FRIENDS NOW"

This, like many other CD’s, comes in a plastic case… but thats where the similarity ends my friends. Inside this one you can find the recently rejuvinated songwriting talents of Steven Adams. Along with Melinda (see above), Matt and Michael, he’s made something very wonderful indeed. When i was just starting out, Steve took me under his wing and offered me many gigs with his Broken Family Band outfit.. even after my career unexpectedly skyrocketed and engulfed everyone around me in flames of success, Steve stuck by me, and was there to watch my even speedier descent into obscurity. Every now and then, when I’m dusting off my ArtRocker Magazine Best Newcomer award, I mutter to myself “Steven?”. Anyways, thats got nothing to do with this record, this record is both smart and funny and also has a guest appearance from Lisa Manelli. In this way, its a better take on Arthur the movie than the unpleasantness i mentioned before. you can buy it without listening to it here:

http://recordshop.greedbag.com/buy/everybody-friends-now-0/

Ok, that wasn’t so bad now was it?

The Considerable Ramblings Volume 1.

Dan — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 14:20:22 +0000

Over the decades, through myriad releases and rereleases, the box sets and the Essential Singles Collections containing my complicated and often ununderstandable/undesirable “lyrical” output, the question that is occasionally thrown up is

“What are the words to that song?”.

With this in mind, and with a translator by my side, I’ve trawled through our last two releases and typed out the words below.

I’d like to thank both the people who asked me to do this over the years, guys… this ones for you.

Ease On In

You Say it’s easy to make things look hard

So lets make things hard

Just ‘cause you’re bleeding, It’s not from your heart

That’s just where it starts

So lets make things hard.

Where is my bed when I need it

And where is your heart

If I turn to my grave, you’re the sweetest love

But you do make it hard..

You were trouble from the start, so lets make things hard.

You say you’re leaving some clothes on the line

Just until they’ve dried

So lets make things fine

You’re coming back this evening, if you’re not tired

So lets make things fine.

Where is my bed when I need it

And where is your heart

If I turn to my grave, you’re the sweetest love

But you do make it hard..

You’re easy to love when you’re sleeping

So I don’t wake you up

If I turn to my grave, you’re the sweetest love

But you do make it hard..

Now I’m A Coastguard

I was a sailor ‘til my ship went down

As I turn paler, water all around

If I can swim then I’ll swim and I’m not too proud

To leave a ship as it sinks. I’m not going down

And there’ll be blood on the decks by supper

And by the time the news hits shore

You can be sure I’m not your lover any more.

I was a hero ‘til I reached your door

I wasn’t dead just dripping wet

And in need of warmth

And though the tide brought me here

I still had to walk

I was a wreck with nothing left to keep sailing for.

I Was A Gentleman

A certain moment shows how it could have been

A hand that softly moves the clothes you’re in

And gently warms as its settling

Around the parts that need most sheltering

Did I make you think that I was a gentleman

I understand how it could seem that way

The tiny things that end up comforting

Become the things I know I’ve never been

So I won’t forget how that feels

And sometimes I’ll remember it was close to being real

As darkness grows and we’re closing in

Our shadows know the light is flattering

Without out clothes our outlines sharpening

And join to block the light from in between.

Did I make you think that I was a gentleman

I understand how it could seem that way

The tiny things that end up comforting

Become the things I know I’ve never been

Old Friends

She wouldn’t marry me, she won’t come around for tea

We don’t worry friends, we don’t worry our families

Unnecessarily asking questions of my love

I unintentionally offer something a girl can trust

She’s an old friend of mine

That I see from time to time

I don’t imagine you naked in my bed

I don’t imagine you close your eyes and think of me instead

I don’t need to see any more than I have seen

So you don’t need to leave or think that I am blind to you

She’s an old friend of mine

That I see from time to time

We don’t hurt like lovers hurt

We don’t fight like animals untamed.

Bust

I am old enough to make a fist and throw a punch

Towards anyone bold enough o suggest that we are not holding up

So what about love

And what about us

We may be sinners in gods eyes, well I say

A man who makes you pray is not a man to trust

I am old enough to pull hairs from my chest

And I’ve been told enough times that my words mean the world to no one else but me

So what about love

And what about us

We may be meaningless and tired, we’ll I say

I cant sleep enough.

The Letter

Bring her back to me

‘cause its not like it used to be

just a pillow where you used to sleep

and a plate where you used to eat with me

friends say, don’t let her close your heart

and don’t miss her at the start of every day

‘cause its not like it used to be

when my toes are searching for your feet in bed

and its not how I thought you’d leave

not a note I could quote for anniversary’s sake

friends say, don’t let her close your heart

and don’t miss her at the start of every day

don’t listen to her tapes

she didn’t make them yesterday.

Crackling On The Floor

I talk to you like a sister

And I hardly know your name

I rarely talk to my sister

I don’t expect that’s going to change

I hope you lye sweetly now

I hope you’re sleeping like a child

I hope you’re resting like the best of us

Its not a good time to come around

I talk to you like a sister

And I hardly know your name

I rarely talk to my sister

I don’t expect that’s going to change

Now im standing at your door

Without a clue as to what im stood here for

And you greet me with a kiss

And the rain begins to spit

And the clouds grumble like your father would

And the trees stand silent like I thought you would

And the logs lay crackling on the floor

Saying you still don’t know what you came here for.

Oh Hetty

Whats all this talk of love being something you can hold

Its obviously not

And whats all this talk about people getting old and forgetting everything

Its obviously not something you’ve been reading

I hold out my hand but im ready to take what you put in my pocket

Oh Hetty, come home

I didn’t mean a single word that I said

And whats more, im tired of you thinking that I did

So whats all this talk of age taking the sting out of everything

Its obviously not something you’ve been thinking

And what made you walk and what made me keep on waiting

My heart starts to sink when it should be wading

I hold out my hand but im ready to take what you put in my pocket

Oh Hetty, come home

I didn’t mean a single word that I said

And whats more im tired of you thinking that I did.

Your 2^nd Man

He calls out your name

And I don’t want to be your second man

That doesn’t mean that I cant understand

The pleasures in another pair of hands

And it doesn’t mean that I own the land

‘cause I can pick it up and hold it in my hand

but if you’re willing to

I’ll make a deal with you today

You take your meals on one plate

And I’ll feed them to you

So when he calls out your name

I don’t want to have to say

That he cant give you what I can

and if you’re willing to

I’ll make a deal with you today

You take your meals on one plate

And I’ll feed them to you

Love In Line

I wouldn’t hold you if I didn’t want to

You wouldn’t hold me if I didn’t ask you

Some of the time

As if you have to tell me

Its not always when I decide

We ‘ve got to keep that love in line

Cant let it keep wondering all the time

I wouldn’t hold you if I didn’t want to

You wouldn’t hold me if I didn’t ask you

Some of the time

Hasn’t anybody told you its not always

What feels right

We ‘ve got to keep that love in line

Cant let it keep wondering all the time

In all directions undefined

We’ll hit a point where we cant find it anymore

All The Trying.

Could you ever love again

Could you ever let it happen

Standing bolt upright

Saying let me at ‘em

Could you open up your arms

Just a little

Enough to let the light trickle

Where it trickles

‘cause I warned you, I want you

could you bare to imagine

living once again

just to let it happen

without remembering

could you open up your mouth

let my lips do all the trying

could you let me where no one else has been

since him

without crying

not hoping that I taste the same

not hoping that I move in the same way

cause I warned you, I want you.

If Not For You.

I’ve been holding you so, so long

Can’t feel any more in my arms

But hear every beat of your heart

And if not for you

What am I for

I could carry you so, so far

Not feeling a stone in my path

Not turning to see what we’ve passed

And if not for you

What am I for.

Love Lends A Hand.

Love lends a hand to me

Says you know where you need to be

Just wait here patiently

She’s no later than she needs to be

And all the time spent waiting

Seems to me worth waiting for

When you know what you’re missing

Then you don’t mind missing some more

And all the time spent waiting seems to me worth waiting for..

I find a place to sit

Not far from where I think we’ll meet

Rain gathering round my feet

Another stranger tries

To move me

But I wait here patiently

She’s no later than she needs to be

And all the time spent waiting

Seems to me worth waiting for

When you know what you’re missing

Then you don’t mind missing some more

And all the time spent waiting seems to me worth waiting for..

Don’t water too long.

You Have Those Ways.

I tried to say no to your body

But you have those ways

I say whats the rush with this honey

But you have those ways

And although we touch on the problem

I’m nervous to say

That while I don’t have a name for them

You have those ways

Isn’t it funny now

To think on those days

I’m glad that it tickles you

I remember always

Always the little things

That tease me so bad

I wish that id given in

Much sooner than I had.

Something Awful/Dancing.

You’ve been looking at me

Something awful

I guess im not

All you hoped for

With that look that says

Boy you better be careful

Is this something

I’m not prepared for

You’ve been looking at me

Something awful

I know im not

All that you hoped for

But when I look at you

I have something to say

lady

If its not

Too late..

Can I take you dancing?

‘cause you’ve been looking at me

something awful

maybe

make the best of a short straw.

Pick Up.

When I call you

With little more to say

Than don’t even whisper

The word get in the way

And don’t mistake

The rest can wait

If you just pickup,pickup,pickup.

When I call you

Barefoot on the hallway

Don’t even whisper

Let my footsteps lead the way

Couldn’t we make

The night seem short

If you just pickup…

The rest can wait

Wrap my fingers

Around the cord and wait

Shake my pockets

For the rattle of loose change

And dial again

And hope you can

Just pickup….

Forever.

If I called you my own, would you do the same

I know this is not all there is for you

I know there is more

So I wouldn’t ask too much from you

Just enough to know

If I called you my own that you’d do the same

‘cause I know this is not all we are given

but I know it’s the heart

so I wouldn’t ask for forever

when all I need is a part

if I call you my own would you do the same.

The Wait Is Over.

When I hold you in the morning

Can you feel it too

Something so sweetly rewarding

That we didn’t even do?

Because.. the wait is over

For me and you

The wait is over

We really should be pleased with ourselves

What does it feel like when I hold you

Does it stay when im gone

Gentle remarks remain to guard you

And mark a space for my return

Because.. the wait is over

For me and you

The wait is over

We really should be pleased with ourselves.

Dust.

When all that’s left is us

And all has been done til its dust

Ill have to get this off of my chest

Get this of of my chest

When I carry you up to bed

And all has been done and has been said

Ill let you sleep on my side

Take my pillow its fine

You know that im not tired

You can sleep on my side

Take my pillow its fine

You know that I’m not tired

You can take my side

Take my pillow its fine

You know that I don’t mind.

touring part two…

Dan — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 14:06:20 +0000

Henry is yet to go metric, insisting that 12 fluid ounces is the correct measure of cider.

After 24 fluid ounces, our pre tour poker night kicks off with Horse, convinced he can "Psyche out" the cards... this took an hour and a half with no notable moments of paranormal activity.

Being a polemicist, Sanj treated the cards much like a cat... by conciously ignoring their presence, he hopes to encourage their favor. p-p-p-p-p-p-p-

Poker face. Its hard to measure what we lost that night.... for some it was money, for some dignity, horse gambled away his lucky potato... it should never have come on tour in the first place. Any way, two hours sleep and a disturbing amount of empty bottles later we felt fit to begin the second leg of our tour.We lost the Sat Nav but crisis was averted by Horse getting his binoculars out and shouting the names of the roads that lay ahead. At one point we got lost in sanjays neck hair, but apart from that it worked fine.

Edinburgh was a surprise success, but at what cost to dear Henry's sanity?

in this game, horse has to count to ten with his eyes closed then guess where sanj has hidden his right hand. This can go really badly in some company but these guys really know how to keep it clean.

Laurie swears the blue bits are the sea, whilst others claim that it represents the sky... i guess we'll never know for sure.

in Manchester, we were supported by a local band called 7 cask ales. First on was real cider. Where do they think up these crazy names!? There was a real buzz around free wifi... they were a really broad band. Right now i think this joke is brilliant but in an hour i wont find it at all funny.

Sanj gets some perspective.

None of this really relates to touring, but it does offer a fly on the wall glimpse of men trying to be men in the female dominated world of white van touring. We had to stick together, we used bar sports and drink as the glue, we used wheels as motion. we broke things, we played songs and people clapped. both the damage and the reward are immeasurable.

we’ll do it again.. and again and again. but not yet.

So far, i cant remember. Touring in pictures.

Dan — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 15:47:02 +0000

We’ve managed 3 dates on this tour so far. I’m learning new things with every mile we travel together. Most of its not worth remembering. Some terrible jokes. Upset faces. bruises here and there. But what of the towns, cities and gigs? Wonderful.

Ive been trying to catch Sanj in mid sneeze for about 3 years now. Finally it happened in Leicester.

I took this photo to point out the relationship between text and image. Later on Horse returned the favor by taking a picture of me sitting below a rude word referring to certain female parts. It began with c and is what I'd refer to as quite strong language. Personally I dont think its shows the text/image relationship in the same way. Horse does though.

Henry trains his mouth for beer drinking every morning at 8am. he doesn't always wear such a proud collar as the one seen here though.

Sexual appetites vary.

we have all become the dice men, arguing over who is really the dice man. A pint, a sad face and the honesty of luck.

walking the fine line between busking and prostitution.

The full team, the happy meal, the Coastguards. Ready for the next leg.

Thats it for now.

1/45 ltd edition march tour screen print

unless you want one of these from:

http://danmichaelsonandthecoastguards.bandcamp.com/album/1-45-ltd-ed-tour-poster-in-black-and-green

NEW TOUR ANNOUNCED….by us.

Dan — Sat, 19 Feb 2011 14:18:34 +0000

Visual aid to tour discussion, a diverting and seemingly random image appearing with informative text helps to create a feeling of "fun" and "excitement".

This is happening, and i don’t mean that in a hip way. I mean it in a straight forward sense.

You can tell by the way we’ve used a cactus in our tour poster that we really mean business this time.

Here are all the ticket links for all the shows, anyone who buys a ticket will immediately feel good about themselves. Single men will find themselves covered head to toe in a potent love potion. Women who previously felt life was passing them by will suddenly overtake life on the inside lane, spraying wet mud up the side of life’s legs whist simultaneously making rude hand gestures and screaming “See you in Tron town old life, I have the power and the range”.

Jeez, anyway.. heres those links:

28 Feb The Musician, Leicester

http://www.wegottickets.com/event/104837

1st March The Bodega, Nottingham

http://www.seetickets.com/Event/DAN-MICHAELSON-AND-THE-COASTGUARDS/The-Bodega-Social-Club/532016

2nd March The Railway, Winchester

http://www.ticketweb.co.uk/user/?region=gb_south&query=detail&event=421338

5th March The Independent, Sunderland

http://www.seetickets.com/Event/DAN-MICHAELSON-THE-COASTGUARDS/The-Little-Room-Independent/528981

6th March Sneaky Petes, Edinburgh

http://www.ticketweb.co.uk/user/?region=gb_scotland&query=detail&event=424969

7th March Captains Rest, Glasgow

http://www.ticketweb.co.uk/user/?region=gb_scotland&query=detail&event=428374

8th March The Basement, York

http://www.seetickets.com/Event/DAN-MICHAELSON-THE-COASTGUARDS/The-Basement/538086

9th March The Castle, Manchester

http://www.wegottickets.com/event/102540

10th March Milo, Leeds

http://www.wegottickets.com/event/104390

11th March The Lexington, London

http://www.wegottickets.com/event/105334

I want you there because it wont be as much fun without you.

*Any spelling mistakes are both intentional and international.

Tour Diary from our time with I Am Kloot

Dan — Wed, 02 Feb 2011 15:05:27 +0000

Lets start by saying this was a great idea. It started off as my idea (lets ask I AmKloot if we can go on tour with them), then it quickly switched to their idea (out of this big pile of bands, which shall we choose? Dan Michaelson! (I imagine this in choral unison at high volumes followed by a cheer and the smashing of glasses.)). Then it was just The Idea. Below are the crumbs of memory we found in our beards after two weeks of Klooting.

Violence ensues after debate regarding the decor of Buxton Opera House.. Is it Deco or Nouveau? Horse offers that one only has to look at the paris metro to find the answer. I angrily call him a Fauvist and spill half a packet of peanuts in the process. We were on the verge of cancelling the whole tour when a passer by told us it was a fake. We shook hands and went back to normal.

accidentally booked the Travelodge Electric Sex Room on the second night, re. argument from the previous night... all sorted now.

This is the Halifax Minster, which offers a "Pray to Play" policy.

Having spent an awful long time on trains, we were relieved one day to find ourselves delayed in Ely, waiting for a connecting train. Ely has a population of 23 and boasts a fully functioning Twix machine.

An angelic glow surrounded us until Horse said something quite awful.

Having used bad language and lost his glow, Horse was immediately banished to the inside of Tammy Winnetts caravan. This is not the way i was brought up to believe things work, but you cant argue with the facts. Thats Horse, thats the pink interior of a caravan.

And how does one escape from the depths of hell/caravan? On a knackered magical fairground horse of course! The drugs were powerful that night.. maybe we didn't even play the gig? Of course we did, we didn't come all this way just to P-A-R-T-Y. where was dan whilst Horse fought his way to freedom?

Just taking a drive... rag top down, the wind in my hair. Im not flustered.

Its a medical fact that if you can complete both the difficult and fiendish soduko's then you dont have a detrimental relationship with alcohol. police still use this technique if they find themselves without a breathalyser...

Our promotional beermats went down a storm. The one shown here is now part of the permanent collection at The Museum of Music and Booze, Buckinghamshire.

And heres the guys we couldnt have done it without... really, Its I AM Kloot, it was their tour. They were amazing every night. Each one a true gent and a pleasure to know. And we're there too.